The Loss That Is Forever

The Lifelong Impact of the Early Death of a Mother or Father

Hardcover, 342 pages
Published by E. P. Dutton
Publication date: September 1, 1995
ISBN: 0525938699

Synopsis:

Interview material is woven together with literary sources including Virginia Woolf, C.S. Lewis, and Charles Darwin to illustrate how themes of loss and survival become central to the lives of those who have lost a parent in childhood. She discusses the relationship with the surviving parent, intimate relationships, and perspectives on one's own mortality.

For anyone who has survived the early loss of a parent, as well as for those with a spouse, friend, or lover who has lost a parent in childhood, this book can provide helpful insights into why people are the way they are. This would also be an excellent read for a surviving parent or family member who would like to help a child with grief recovery.

Table of Contents

Preface

Chapter 1. The Language of Loss

Absolute Catastrophe

Total Discontinuity

Terrifying Insecurity

Profound Emptiness

Loss versus Absence

Chapter 2. The Event That Shatters Childhood

Sudden Death/The World Is a Safe and Secure Place

Slow Death/My Parents Are Strong and Powerful

Suicide/Of Course My Parents Love Me

Denial/I Can Believe What I See, Can't I?

A Triad of Unacceptable Feelings

Chapter 3. The Surviving Parent

The Incapacitated Parent

The Negligent Parent

The Abusive Parent

The Parent Who Looks to a Child for Friendship and Love

The Competent Parent

Chapter 4. Personal Mythologies

The Lost Parent

Myths about the Self

Fantasies about the Relationships That Might Have Been

Idiosyncratic Myths

Chapter 5. Creating the Self

Exhilarated

Determined

Resigned

Overwhelmed and Panicked

Out of Control

Chapter 6. Building Relationships: The Dance of Love and Loss

Living with the Tension Between Love and Loss

Seeing Only Love

Seeing Only Loss

Chapter 7. Parenting

Childless by Choice

Parenting without a Model

A Confused Parent/Child Drama

Applying Lessons Learned in the Past

Parenting and Personal Repair

Chapter 8. Death, Mortality, and Vitality

The Fear of Death

Mortality: An Early Death

Attacks on Vitality

Death Is Nothing to Fear

Chapter 9. Acts of Repair

Modest Repair/Delayed Mourning

Mastery via Creativity and Work

Re-creating the Self

Chapter 10. Unwanted Legacies

Varieties of Numbing

Depression and Anxiety

Destructive Metaphors

Chapter 11. Staying in Touch

Pictures

Objects

Places

Culturally Sanctioned Rituals

Guardian Angels

Chapter 12. Owning One's Destiny

Reclaiming One's Destiny

The Tension between Personal Control and Fate

Survivor Pride

Liking One's Life

Personal Will

Epilogue

Endnotes

References

Index